Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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