guys are only as good as the porn they watch
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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