He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
