mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
