I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
