Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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