Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
