Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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