i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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