He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
