i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it's like iHOP with fire
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
