I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
