I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
