we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
