Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
