final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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