I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
