Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
