Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
