I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dicks are not precious.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
