My underwear smells like fireworks.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
