God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
