you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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