Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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