dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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