apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
