I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
