This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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