I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
