he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
