Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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