I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
