So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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