he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
