Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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