The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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