Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
