I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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