I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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