Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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