I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
4 words: hood of his car
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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