On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
