Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
