it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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