i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
