i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
