I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
