There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
