im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
