worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
