I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
