He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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