hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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