Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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