I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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